tales

even to hear her snoring, i love it.
ill miss it. who doesnt think about the future. i do.
but soon i will dwell on the past, i will thrive off it.
i will wake up not knowing if what i wear looks ridiculous.
i will put on too much eye shadow not knowing if i resemble a prostitute.
i will fuck up wihtout anyone telling me what ive done.
i will go to sleep after entire days of silence.
i will cry when no one will put up with the personality traits i hide from the world.
i will look into her room and wonder what she's doing in her new one.
i will miss my big sister so much that i will feel pathetic for not being able to stand up without her.
i miss her and i will think of the afternoons we spent drawing on the sidewalk, or playing hopscotch, or racing around the block on our bikes when we were eight or so.
it might seem dramatic.
she will not be gone forever, she will not forget about me or miss me any less.
but she wont be here to taxi me everywhere, she wont be here to defend me against my mother, she wont be here to take the blame for my mistakes.
she will be growing up, and i will try my hardest not to wither away.
i dont give a fuck about sounding poetic or cliche or childish.
shes my best friend, she is my saving grace.
this year and half will be the best.
the day i have to drop her off however far away from home i will cry like someone passed away. i know it. thats how i am.
i have a broken relationship with my mother, but i cant help but think that i was blessed with brianna leigh burdelsky to make up for it.




i love you bahna.